I lost my kitty today.




Really I suppose I should say that I let him go, even though I was holding him at the time. I'm not sure which is better or worse, but that's academic since either way he's gone.




He was purring when it happened. He was in my lap, warm, his butt on my legs and most of his 7 tiny pounds cradled in my left hand. I had turned the lights all the way up, because I couldn't take the dim anymore, and I think the ends of my sleeves were sopping by the time I was done. It was quick; he was purring. He liked the good doctor.




Afterwards, she put him in a box and gave his body to me; picking it up in my hands, walking to the car, I held it to my chest and it was still warm.




Sometimes I feel bitter, spoiled -- here, I have all this light, this joy, this mad feral abundance in my life, and yet there are times when all that does is outline the negative space. Make a place in my life and let me grow around you and then leave and I will see you forever whether you know it or not, that little empty space where once I needed you and now you are missing.