dynamic elf

My milk production seems to have slowly increased, just like the books said it would and just like I was totally convinced it wouldn't anyway, just to spite me. Yesterday was a zero-formula day. Hurrah! We still had to supplement with a bottle in the early-early morning. On the other hand, it was a bottle of breastmilk, and it was only given after she'd fed at both breasts. Slowly, we advance.

This morning, we went to see a lactation consultant. She was helpful -- she watched N latch on a few times and proclaimed the basic latch good. She did give me tips to minimize the pain of latch-on. For example, one time, N curled her bottom lip under, and indeed, that was the most painful latch. She suggested pulling Natalie's lip out when the latch was unusually painful, to see if that helped. Also, she encouraged pulling N off the breast whenever she starts chomping down rather than sucking. This is a bit of a problem, for me, since the sensation of being sucked overly hard, the sensation of a bad latch, and the sensation of being fiercely gummed by a bored newborn are all very similar: "Ow, fuck! My nipple hurts!" But at any rate, I can insert a finger in to her mouth if the pain increases suddenly and see if she is biting my finger (and if so, pull her off).

Overall, though, since we've gotten to a point where the bulk of the feeding itself is usually painless, the lactation consultant said that my sore nipples were basically just tough noogies. She prescribed me a soothing ointment that I can apply after difficult feedings. It contains, among other things, lidocaine. Ahhh, sweet sweet lidocaine. But she said that for many new mothers, sore nipples are really just part of the game for the first few weeks, and that as long as it's toe-curling pain and not screaming-to-wake-the-neighbors pain, stick with it and it'll go away in a month. Well, okay then.

Note to world: I do not like having my nipples chewed on. Thanks!

We've been having tumultuous sleep problems this week, too. Tuesday and Wednesday nights were particularly stressful; nothing we could do seemed to quiet her fussing, and when she's up for two hours straight being inconsolable, and it's 4 AM, the whole world seems difficult to bear. (As I'm certain it is, if you're a newborn.) Our sleep schedule seems to have us waking up at or after noon, most days this week, no matter when we try to "go to bed". But Wednesday night was better than Tuesday, and last night was better than Wednesday -- even though, in the moment, it seems like nothing will ever work, I suppose we just have to stick out each night and learn what DOES work. Over time, we'll all adapt.

Things that seem to work to cure baby angst:
* jogging up and down the stairs in D's arms
* being swooshed around
* being wrapped up tightly so she can't wiggle
* being unwrapped entirely so she can wiggle
* being held to my chest as I lie on my back (breasts make good pillows -- this often puts her to sleep when nothing else will)

Things that don't work:
* Being put in the pouch-sling carrier (sigh)

She's still the cutest damn thing. I mean, I'm totally sold on her intent stare and tender adorableness, and yet I'm also simultaneously convinced that she basically looks like all other tiny babies. Not that I mind. She's different to me because she's my tiny little baby, and therefore subject to my goofy staring camera-lens. She's healthy and gaining weight, I'm healthy and losing weight (every day! this is freaky!), and all three of us are learning how this whole baby/parents thing works.

And with that, it's time for a nap.