dynamic elf

I still have that fear for my parents. Practicality really, really helps for me. My father's girlfriend was appalled when one night about ten years ago he turned to me and said "That reminds me, Rose, we need to talk about what's in my will" and we began calmly discussing what would happen when he died; she found it really disturbing to think about, but knowing there was a plan in place was tremendously reassuring for me.

I wish this culture made it easier to look over someone's shoulder when they're making funeral arrangements; I sort of vaguely understand what that entails but would like to know more. I find it steadying to focus on "How will I know who to tell about/invite to my mother's funeral?" rather than "How will I personally cope with my mother's death?".

Has N had the direct experience of loss? If she has, or when she does, you can gently use her reactions to that as an example of how people can keep going on with their lives even when they're grieving. For that matter, you can describe your own past and lingering grief, and point out that you have found lots of ways to be happy after sad things happen. Grief is hard, but you're okay. She'll be okay too.